![]() ![]() “Surely there’s nothing wrong with ‘honey’?” you may interject. I wouldn’t change a thing about you except…wait, this is page 3. More importantly, “baby” carries the inescapable connotation of something that needs to be changed. Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong, but “baby” makes me think of spit-up, colic and unpredictable tantrums. ![]() What happens in Vegas winds up in Singapore.”) (Innocent as in, “Baby, you did tape up the lenses on the surveillance cameras in the casino bathroom, didn’t you? Oh, man. I guess infant-oriented terminology is supposed to conjure up images of your partner being cute and cuddly and innocent. Or truncated versions such as “babe” or “bay.” Those “Reader’s Digest” variations really give you something to aspire to, don’t they? (“Let’s make it to our 50th anniversary, and I’ll see if I think you’re worth the extra syllable.”) Yes, healthy couples are hardcoded to employ pet names but the names we have depended on for countless decades are problematic on so many levels. Of course, the sweet nothings were probably muttered through gritted teeth when Adam asked questions such as “So, McRib, got any more reptile fruit peddlers you’d like to introduce me to?” or “McRib, are you sure you want to know if those fig leaves make you look fat?” I have it on good authority that the custom goes all the way back to Adam and Eve (or as he affectionately referred to her, “McRib”). Although the bar has been set remarkably low during some epochs (“Dearest, you’ve survived to produce seven more viable male heirs than my second wife”), society has always expected couples to use terms of endearment to grease the wheels of their relationships. ![]()
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